1. Get into therapy. Today. You know you need to, so just do it, now.
2. Stop asking yourself or others questions without answering them yourself first. You ask questions like "How does one break this news to his fellow colleagues and boss?" Well, how do you think someone else would break the news to them? Write down all the ways you can think that somebody else would. Now do that for every other question you've asked. Answering your own questions is part of what's called "doing the work" of getting better.
3. Stop giving yourself excuses. You haven't killed yourself because you don't want to die. Nobody does; it's a natural state programmed into us like registers in a CPU. So acknowledge that you don't want to die and start focusing on what you will live for.
4. Focus on being more positive. Force yourself to think good thoughts, about other people, and yourself. Think about things you like and enjoy. Surround yourself with beautiful pictures, uplifting music, and [morally] good work. Think about a life that helps people and has a positive, productive purpose to it.
5. Learn to appreciate the world, and think of yourself as but a tiny part of it, rather than as the center of your universe. Right now you're thinking, oh my life, my purpose, my former partner, my job! Hyper-focusing on yourself and your relationships isn't going to lead to positive introspection or compassionate reflection about life. I think you should try to come to a place where you don't focus on yourself at all, where you focus on yourself in relation to the world around you.
I recommend getting some books on mindfulness and starting a yoga practice; it's a good starting point to clearing your mind so your thoughts aren't clouded by fear and pain.
2. Stop asking yourself or others questions without answering them yourself first. You ask questions like "How does one break this news to his fellow colleagues and boss?" Well, how do you think someone else would break the news to them? Write down all the ways you can think that somebody else would. Now do that for every other question you've asked. Answering your own questions is part of what's called "doing the work" of getting better.
3. Stop giving yourself excuses. You haven't killed yourself because you don't want to die. Nobody does; it's a natural state programmed into us like registers in a CPU. So acknowledge that you don't want to die and start focusing on what you will live for.
4. Focus on being more positive. Force yourself to think good thoughts, about other people, and yourself. Think about things you like and enjoy. Surround yourself with beautiful pictures, uplifting music, and [morally] good work. Think about a life that helps people and has a positive, productive purpose to it.
5. Learn to appreciate the world, and think of yourself as but a tiny part of it, rather than as the center of your universe. Right now you're thinking, oh my life, my purpose, my former partner, my job! Hyper-focusing on yourself and your relationships isn't going to lead to positive introspection or compassionate reflection about life. I think you should try to come to a place where you don't focus on yourself at all, where you focus on yourself in relation to the world around you.
I recommend getting some books on mindfulness and starting a yoga practice; it's a good starting point to clearing your mind so your thoughts aren't clouded by fear and pain.