He doesn't want his kids to yell less, he wants them to not yell. I hear someone say they want their kids to be quiet more and I hear, "I want my children to be adults."
I hear, "I want my kids assimilated in to the borg collective".
As a parent of 6 kids ( ages 2 to 19), quiet does not equate to better adult. IMHO, we are talking about parental intolerance. Or, to be fair, conforming to the intolerance of those around. (I understand the problems of living in a flat or apartment)
All that quiet discipline stuff kicks in at pre-school, then school, where they do have to follow rigid rules, and face consequence if they don't. I have always allowed my kids to let off, as it were, at home. Obviously only to a point, but I give them a fairly long leash. I tend to think if they cant be themselves at home, then where can they? Of course if it gets too much, or seems distressing, then something is wrong and it needs discussion.
But, I fear the rigid. I don't want drones for kids. They learn enough about fitting in with others from the rest of life. At home, to a point, I let them be.
I'm not really sure that "being loud" is the same as "being yourself". Most children are loud at some point in their life, and it has little to do with who they are as a person.
Telling your children to tone it down is not the same as telling them that Justin Bieber is an awful musician, or that MMORPGs are a pointless waste of time. You will not effect your child's personality by enforcing some noise violations.
That's not repression, it's polite behaviour. I'm fairly certain that every mother ever has told her children to stop yelling in the house at least once.
If they want to yell while playing games, then they can play games outside.
From the single bit of data I have, your idea of repression seems to be anything less than complete anarchy... do you have children?
If they want to yell while playing games, then they can play games outside.
Not computer games they can't. And not in all seasons/kinds of weather, either.
I'm fairly certain that every mother ever has told her children to stop yelling in the house at least once.
And I'm fairly certain every parent (mother? what?) also sometimes allowed it. You know, politeness is kind of about a sentient counterpart, rather a fixed sound threshold in a panopticon.
From the single bit of data I have, your idea of repression seems to be anything less than complete anarchy
How so? If I think it's repressing if a child is under no circumstance allowed to yell out in joy or fright while playing? What does this have to do with anarchy? That's not anarchy, that's life.
Stop being so dramatic. No one in this comment thread has expressed an opinion anywhere near one of being opposed to allowing kids to yell out of joy or fright.
Let me ask you: would you mind sitting next to a group of kids at the movie theater chatting away and carrying a running commentary throughout the film all out of sheer excitement?
I suspect you would; I know I would. Why? Because it's disrespectful. Telling a kid to quiet down while playing a PC game is usually done simply to teach them to respect the presence of others around them. Sure, there are controlling parents out there, and in those cases, you may call it repression, but most of the time it's as simple a lesson as teaching a kid to say please and thank you.
No one in this comment thread has expressed an opinion anywhere near one of being opposed to allowing kids to yell out of joy or fright.
The topic is about the question how to blank the screen when a certain loudness threshold is reached. Which means "is even anyone else in the house" or other such factors do not enter into it. Which in turn means this isn't teaching politeness, this is like teaching a dog; no disrespect to dogs intended, but I mean that they usually just learn what to do, not why (which is fine in the case of a dog, unacceptable for a kid).
Maybe it just seems like being dramatic to you because I'm actually paying attention to the finer details here, and you don't. I complain about this specific case, and you defend it because there's sometimes a reason to tell a kid to not yell etc... which is funny, but not quite the rebuttal you imagine it to be.
Telling a kid to quiet down while playing a PC game is simply to teach them to respect the presence of others around them.
I completely agree; what in anything I wrote makes you think I don't? And what about the topic makes you think what is being done here?
Though I would add that I wouldn't want to be the person who doesn't sometimes also get joy out of the loud expression of joy from others. Depends on what you're doing etc.,.. so respect also means letting the kids holler sometimes. Respect doesn't just go one way, and if you haven't made children to become happy humans, what have you made them for?
But don't get sidetracked, remember: The parent in question does NOT tell their kids "I want you to be more quiet, so I made this script", they outright lie (and proudly report that it's working, too), and even seek to automate it just to put a hard cap on the loudness levels of their kids.
And that's okay because it's effective, gets the desired result, case closed...? Well pah, I disagree, just like I also frown upon telling kids they should be nice so Santa gives them presents; not because I am against being nice, but because I'm against the layer of indirection and dishonesty.
This is the second time I responded to a strawman, and I find that telling in and of itself. I have nothing against something the parent in question isn't even doing, I have something against what they actually are doing. Is that so hard to understand? You don't turn kids into "good adults" by not taking them seriously and telling them the computer is annoyed by loud noise... What. The. Fuck. That this topic is not _full_ of ridicule, just like the comments on the linked site, is just sad.
I just don't see being loud as a necessary way to express yourself. Hell, you could teach your children to use sign language if they want to express overt emotions. That would actually be pretty awesome.
On the bright side of things: maybe this scenario will drive the children to "fix" the computer. Maybe they'll learn new things that they never would've learned if not for their father's "repression". Maybe they'll realize that parents are sometimes full of shit, and shouldn't be trusted implicitly.
I am a divorced father with a 3 years old son. My son does not yell at me nor at any one else (AFAIK).
When he wants something he requests it, and I will usually honor his request unless I see a good reason for not doing so. If that's the case, I will take the time to explain it to him even thou I know that he will not understand everything I say. I think that's important, because it shows commitment to him. My decisions are usually final (for now). This will change when he grows up and becomes able to articulate good arguments on the reasons of what he wants.
He does play with other children. And when he does, he is quite clear on the limits with him. When another children attempts to steal one of his toys he will stand on principle (I really like that he has this personality). He will talk with other children but not yell. If the other child is yelling he will probably ignore him. And he chooses to play with other children who are also calmed.
If he does not do something I want him to do, he will get punished (as part of the feedback loop). It usually involves not looking at his favorite cartoons. If he does something right, he gets a praise.
What is even more interesting is that other people's sons and daughters also behave like that when they are with me. So, it leaves two possible choices:
1. I am somehow special and children behave different around me.
2. Lots of children also behave like my son.
So far, I have chosen option number 2 as my belief. I also think that if you make clear the boundaries for children, they will honor them.
What on Earth has "yelling while playing" have to do with "yelling at a person" --- ?? I am truly tired of all these strawman being trotted out. Some actual replies would be nice.
He will talk with other children but not yell. [..] Lots of children also behave like my son.
Does he also not ever squee real loud for sheer excitement? You know, humans only have a short window where they can even experience the world that intensely. Sometimes it's good to let them.
I also think that if you make clear the boundaries for children, they will honor them.
Yes, but I think it's important to have good reasons (there's plenty for "don't yell at people", not so many for "do not ever, under any circumstances, exceed this loudness threshold while playing"), and to be honest about them; like you are, and like the OP decidedly isn't. Even just "you cannot understand that yet", if it's actually true and spoken in a bond of trust, can be enough. But "the magic pixie dust in the computer has spoken because I can't be arsed to tell you to shut up while I leave you alone with the computer?" Nah.
He does not yell while playing at all. A part of it is that he sees no need nor utility to yell (or cry) in order to get what he wants from me, so he did not learn that he has to yell to achieve it. I do think that children can be loud sometimes but, if it is too often, I would also look for the way to stop them from yelling, even while playing.
And I do agree on the fact that telling lies to your own son is counter-producing. He will learn that you lie and not take into account what you say.
> I will take the time to explain it to him even thou I know that he will not understand everything I say
This worked surprisingly well from a very young age (<1) for my son. It seems like it shows him I take his concerns seriously, but that I have good reason for my objections.
