Hey man. I read your one sentence pitch and it left mr really confused. Writing this post to show you what confused me in case it's helpful in your fine tuning your pitch.
>How about this: Tinj is a rating system that lets people externalize opinions about movies in context so they can receive comprehensive recommendations.
What does "externalize opinions" mean? As someone who has never seen your service, I know what an opinion is, but "externalize" is a complex word with multiple nuanced meanings. As a prospective user I assume you mean "voice".
What does "in context" mean? Again, as a prospect I have zero idea what you mean by that, so I will assume you mean "on my site".
What does "receive comprehensive recommendations" mean? I guess it can be my FB friends (if I give another service access to mytriends list) or strangers or (worse) friends I have to make on your site before it brcomes useful. I'll assume "strangers or FB friends".
Put it together, and the pitch becomes (to me, a prospective user who had zero context about your srvice beyond this sentence and who you are trying to convince to visit your site): "Tinj is a rating system that lets people voice opinions about movies on the Tinj website so they can receive recommendations from strangers or FB friends.". This may be totally wrong, but it's the picture I got. To which as a user I say: "Big deal. I don't need this site when I have FB and RottenTomatoes."
I hope hearing some feedback from a stranger will help you refine your pitch.
>How about this: Tinj is a rating system that lets people externalize opinions about movies in context so they can receive comprehensive recommendations.
What does "externalize opinions" mean? As someone who has never seen your service, I know what an opinion is, but "externalize" is a complex word with multiple nuanced meanings. As a prospective user I assume you mean "voice".
What does "in context" mean? Again, as a prospect I have zero idea what you mean by that, so I will assume you mean "on my site".
What does "receive comprehensive recommendations" mean? I guess it can be my FB friends (if I give another service access to mytriends list) or strangers or (worse) friends I have to make on your site before it brcomes useful. I'll assume "strangers or FB friends".
Put it together, and the pitch becomes (to me, a prospective user who had zero context about your srvice beyond this sentence and who you are trying to convince to visit your site): "Tinj is a rating system that lets people voice opinions about movies on the Tinj website so they can receive recommendations from strangers or FB friends.". This may be totally wrong, but it's the picture I got. To which as a user I say: "Big deal. I don't need this site when I have FB and RottenTomatoes."
I hope hearing some feedback from a stranger will help you refine your pitch.