Man you just hit me hard with this... Also add one insanely overbearing mother that expects straight As and a perfect child, on top of some bullying and such... Really leads you to just want to curl up and not take risks anymore. I've just been discovering, through the aid of therapy, just how much my mother has affected my whole life up to this point. I love her and she was doing her best. I really believe she was, based on her mother (oof, even more insane lol). Man has it done a number on me in every way you can imagine.
I only mention this because your piece of essentially having the fear to move any personal projects to portfolio projects is very real with me,as well.
Side-note... How old are you? What frameworks? What personal projects?
I'm 40 and just REALLY beginning this journey into coding and as much as I love it it is also insanely overwhelming because of reasons you started and also my terrible ADHD. So hard to stay focused on learning a piece at a time. My brain wants to open all the links, check out all the courses and YouTube videos... And it becomes too much.
FWIW, programming and ADHD tend to go well together once you can get past the basics. Especially when you're in the flow of things, it's just a constant loop of small change -> visible progress -> dopamine hit. Combine that with hyperfocus on the occasional deep bug and it can feel like a superpower.
Don't get me wrong, there are lots of other times where it doesn't work like that, and this assumes you can actually get started, but when you do it can be magical.
Not GP but I share similar experiences as you. Started coding as a teenager, but after I got my first job I did similar things as you for a very long time on and off until only a few years ago.
In part, it's good that you're trying out new things. That part should always be something we do. But the issue is when you don't have developed taste and principles to discriminate between things that just sound interesting and things you actually want to explore.
For me the solution has been to develop a small set of important values by asking fundamental questions. Why do I program? What does emotionally satisfy me (fun/pride/learning)? What is valuable for my users? What are computers for? What makes a good program?
Ask questions like that and you get a list of important things that you focus on.
Whenever I see something new, it first has to get through my value filter.
My reading, learning and tinkering list is still growing slightly faster than it shrinks. But I'm much more content and happy with what I actually end up doing or reading.
Side-note... How old are you? What frameworks? What personal projects? I'm 40 and just REALLY beginning this journey into coding and as much as I love it it is also insanely overwhelming because of reasons you started and also my terrible ADHD. So hard to stay focused on learning a piece at a time. My brain wants to open all the links, check out all the courses and YouTube videos... And it becomes too much.