It sounds like you experienced a situation where that trust never existed in the first place?

I've been on teams where on more than one occasion colleagues have mentioned to me one day that they were thinking of leaving, and then a couple weeks later when I asked them about it they mentioned that they raised the explicit thoughts of departure with their manager (as well as their concerns that lead to it) with respective changes manifesting that kept them on the team for a number of years.

In the model you mention, it seems like it would never be worthwhile to retain employees who have an offer and are at that point announcing their departure?

Edit: I am not sure why what I am saying is controversial.

Either a person has a trusted relationship with their manager, or the they don't. I've had managers for whom I trusted and others I did not. It can also be assessed on how they treat others who report to them as well as how they speak of others of others on adjacent teams. Concerns can and should be raised over time, and not just bottled up and delivered at the end. A good manager should be probing for them as well.

There's obviously risk involved in any conversation, but I disagree with "it's never a good idea."

I have actually told a manager I trusted and it was no big deal, although, in retrospect I don't see any way for this to have benefitted me and a ton of ways in which it could have hurt me.

> IMO no, it's never a good idea.

I thought so in the past.

But I have learned to be open about this and so far it seems managers appreciate it. It helps plan the transition better and prioritize closing projects.

I made friends this way.

The default should be to just never do it. If you do it, be very very sure that you can trust that person.

One of my guys shared it with me for example and it was totally fine. We always were and still are on great terms and talk to each other from time to time. But we also both 'clicked' from the start. Never really a manager/employee relationship feeling. And while I tried to keep him with us I understood and wished him all the best. He's much happier at his new place now.

Guessing whether your manager might appreciate being able to plan transitions? Forget it! The best you should consider (depending on your level) is to give more notice than the required one. That can be a good compromise but I do hear that in some companies you shouldn't even consider that. But if you feel that they won't escort you out the building the second you give notice anyway than this can be a nice touch. It's a hard decision even then though because you are trying to be nice to your immediate colleagues but make no mistake that in the opposite situation they would not give you more than the mandatory notice period. Even if your manager might want to. HR is HR.

I’ve always regretted not being more honest with my manager 20 years ago when I’d made the decision to move back to my home town but wasn’t ready to pull the trigger. She knew I was getting married, knew we were trying to decide where to live; I could have given her more warning.

If you’re out there, Peggy, I am indeed sorry.

I think it really depends on why you're leaving. If it really is simply a physical presence thing, then I do agree, one should be open about that. So consider this a partial retraction. Assuming you're sure of course.