I have made plenty of friends after the age of 30. The problem is that is is hard work. New friendships consume more time than old friends.
The ratio of people actively befriending me, is lower than people I befriend. Maybe 3:1 Making me think most people don't put much effort into making friends.
My advice would be:
1. Networking is not making friends. If you want to leverage someone, it's a business relationship not a friendship.
2. People who befriend you might not be the kind of person you would choose to be your friend, but they obviously like you enough to make an effort so give them a chance and reciprocate. People probably try to befriend you but you don't even notice.
3. Let bad or superficial friendships go and concentrate on making good ones. I have loads of really close friends, but keep my Facebook friend count (relatively) low.
4. If a friend is having a problem, help them. This is how you move past the superficial friendship. Prove you are worthy of being a friend.
5. Never screw a friend over. See rule #1. If you intend to play a zero sum game with a friend, be willing to lose that friend. (I do business with good friends, but only if I know I will never be in a position to have to choose between my wealth/happiness and theirs). Also always be honest. Friendship requires trust.
6. Make an effort. Ask people out for a drink or a coffee. Invite them over for dinner. It's hugely time consuming. This week I am running out of time with friends wanting to hang out and friends who need help. But it's worth it.
7. Join clubs, organizations and/or religious institutions. Not just one. Friends of mine had good success with dance classes.
8. One close friend is worth hundreds of superficial friendships.
For many people their partner is their best friend. As a rule it is just the one partner.
There is much benefit in being monogamous. Polygamy or frequent changes to whom the partner is comes at quite a cost in time and effort.
Similarly with friendships, there is a cost to having 'hundreds of close friends' (as if such a thing could happen). There is also a cost in trying to push one's 'friends quota' beyond what we have (5-6 close friends) to a wider circle of not-so-close friends.
Yet some people - those with 500 Facebook friends - think that having more than the small circle of close friends is a desirable thing, which it may be but only in the way that having a harem of partners is a desirable thing.
There is also the matter of being part of a community. We all need to belong. Yet too many people hop in their car, drive out their driveway and never say hi to the neighbours.
Superficial neighbourhood friendships are fine. The guy who you say hello to whilst you are walking the dog is okay to say hello to even if he votes differently to you. That superficial chat about the weather is okay.
Recently had a funeral to attend, of a neighbour. Although this was a well attended service I was quite surprised at how some people chose not to go to the wake. Those dog-walking saying-hellos do actually matter, this was what made the funeral mandatory for me but meh for those that did not care to go.
By actively going to a church group or dance class I didn't really have my heart into I think the resultant relationships would be as fake as my belief in god/dancing in silly shoes. Your friend might think he/she has success but there may be others in the group who think that he/she is a sad letch rather than someone passionate about what they are doing.
Joining a dance class to shed a few pounds (rather than to get laid) is legit though.
I would disagree with point 8. I tend to go for superficial friendships over close ones (by choice), and it works out to be a better deal. One thing is that you get a lot more diverse set of friends when you are not going that deep. Secondly, deep friendships kind of lock you in, and I do not like that. Thirdly, having a large set of friends, exposes you to more interesting opportunities and new friends that having a few close friends doesn't. Moreover, a lot of pathologies like jealousies etc don't show up with casual friends. They often come up in ugly ways with close ones.
In Polish, there are different two words for friends (i.e. people who care for you, who would give you ex. a big loan or a kidney) and for people who you just like to hang out with, because it's fun and convenient for both of you at the time. I feel it's more blurred in English, with both of them being called friends.
The ratio of people actively befriending me, is lower than people I befriend. Maybe 3:1 Making me think most people don't put much effort into making friends.
My advice would be:
1. Networking is not making friends. If you want to leverage someone, it's a business relationship not a friendship.
2. People who befriend you might not be the kind of person you would choose to be your friend, but they obviously like you enough to make an effort so give them a chance and reciprocate. People probably try to befriend you but you don't even notice.
3. Let bad or superficial friendships go and concentrate on making good ones. I have loads of really close friends, but keep my Facebook friend count (relatively) low.
4. If a friend is having a problem, help them. This is how you move past the superficial friendship. Prove you are worthy of being a friend.
5. Never screw a friend over. See rule #1. If you intend to play a zero sum game with a friend, be willing to lose that friend. (I do business with good friends, but only if I know I will never be in a position to have to choose between my wealth/happiness and theirs). Also always be honest. Friendship requires trust.
6. Make an effort. Ask people out for a drink or a coffee. Invite them over for dinner. It's hugely time consuming. This week I am running out of time with friends wanting to hang out and friends who need help. But it's worth it.
7. Join clubs, organizations and/or religious institutions. Not just one. Friends of mine had good success with dance classes.
8. One close friend is worth hundreds of superficial friendships.