it isn't hard at all practically everyone I meet becomes a friend. How much time do I have to dedicate to friendship? Practically none, but that doesn't stop them from coming over --sometimes to much. Just don't be so judgmental. There's also this toxic ideology that unfortunately has swept the society that promotes defeatism, victimhoodization, promoting sociopaths ways of judging people, locking in your thinking through group think/wrong think. This ideology use to be a good value in our society before it was hijcked, it promoted peace and anti-war, individual liberties, as long as you didn't hurt another person. Now its been hijacked by very evil people and it has entrapped people into defeating themselves. Once you free yourself from this toxic way of thinking, the world is everything that you make good of it. Everyone wants to join you and make it more wonderful. It is truly the greatest time to live and have friends.
There is some wisdom in this. If you are open to, and more accepting of people who think differently than yourself, you have a larger “friendship surface area”.
My own friends are truck drivers, engineers and software developers, vegetarians and hunters. They all are fundamentally nice, decent people.
this happens a lot with me, and it annoys me. First I try to establish if it just a good reason that I don't know about. 99% of the time, this is the reason. They either forgot, had an emergency, or got to busy. Second, I consider the other possibility that they intentionally did this. If this is the case, they are trying to show a "power move" or superiority over you, aka "I am better then you and this is my power I ditched you" When you fully think it out, these people are actually powerless and sad. They lack self confidence in themselves, they lack power over themselves, so much that they have to artificially make up scenarios where they feel empowered. This is basically the definition of a sociopath. So immediately you don't want to be friends when them once you realize this. Also, you want to check critically to see if you have any of this type of thinking inside of you and move to get rid of it. So also, this happens a lot in business. Sometimes you have to deal with it. I had very prompent lawyer stood me up 3 times. Eventually, somehow, she wanted me to do something. We were to meet and I give her access to a conference she wanted to go to. I became ill and couldn't make it, I called ahead. Apparently she didn't get my message and got stuck at the conference waiting for me Eventually they let her in when she namedropped me. It was totally unintential, but basically I mirrored what she did to me back to her. Long story short we became friends as far as professional. I use mirroring a lot in business like this -- if you respond to my email in 3 days, I wait 3 days. If you call only during business hours, I make sure I do the same. If you return my calls immediately, I do the same. So but that's business. In friendship, consider yourself lucky you dodged a bullet. One way to test if they honestly forgot or whatever circumstances is to never bring it up or bring it up in a way where you establish if you can tell by their body language that they got pleasure by ditching you. An honest person will feel bad about it. A dishonest person will feel powerful and haply spiteful. I'm not the best at articulating all of this, you will need to think this out for yourself. You have to take their power away by not getting upset. Its the same when somebody is bullying you and you laugh at their jokes with them, they get upset and mad. If they are a good person, it goes away after a while perhaps you become great friends. Some people do this as a way of protecting themselves from risk also, its about self confidence. Again, our society is broken with this toxic ideaology. Right now, bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. Its changing, but right now sociopaths are being rewarded and honest people aren't. Just don't give them the power over you to make you upset and they go away.
Thanks for this! I could have used a few return entries to break it up, but otherwise I very much appreciate the response. Much of what you said echos some of my observations.
I too find myself mirroring - if they are a verbose writer, I'll be verbose; if they're short I'll be short.
